Monday, September 28, 2009

Emily Post for Canines

Hi All,

I am considering sending Baron to etiquette classes rather than dog obedience class. He is obedient when he wants to be, but has difficulty with the finer nuances of proper etiquette. For example, I was heading down the stairs, when who should push past me, trying to beat me to the bottom, but Baron! When guests enter my home they are greeted warmly (perhaps too warmly) by Baron, who almost knocks me down in his effort to hug the new arrival. Actually our guests usually greet Baron before me - maybe they need etiquette classes too!

Does anyone know of etiquette classes for dogs? I wonder what Emily Post is up to these days and if she has branched out. Perhaps there is a canine silver fork class (or is it spoon - hopefully it's not "knife" that would be dangerous in Baron's paws).

So far the plan is for Baron to attend a brief segment of "prep school" at Denise's home. I refer to it as prep school because it prepares him for being around other living beings. I wish Denise and her family luck.

Botswain

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Boot Camp for Baron

Hi All,

Denise, Baron's newest personal trainer, recommended sending Baron to her home for a few days of remedial work. What could she be thinking? Just because Baron has managed to demolish not one but two pairs of prescription reading glasses in one week is not call for alarm. I am thinking of investing in the stock of companies that manufacture lenses. Does anybody have any recommendations?

I hate to admit it but I have a drawer of broken items that need to be taken in for repair. This includes: pottery from Peru, ceramic cookie jar (not wanting to bother me, Baron tried to help himself), tiny Brazilian figurines, and a Swavorski crystal poodle (Baron thought this was a relative and greeted her enthusiastically). Fortunately, the recently repaired intricately carved ivory tusk which was my mother-in-law's, is placed out of his reach. For details on that fiasco see the entry entitled "Poodle Place in Shambles" (April 10).

So fellow poodle lovers, do you think Baron should be sent to Boot Camp? What if he comes back perfectly behaved - what will I ever have to write about? Think of it, entry after entry of accolades about our regal poodle. Wouldn't that be boring? On the other hand, it might be nice to find out.

With a kick,
Botswain

PS
By the way, Denise doesn't even know about the glasses. I won't tell her if you don't!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Baron versus the Bunny

Hi All,

The title of today's post might be misleading. When I say "Baron versus the Bunny", I am not referring to Bunny the agility trainer but bunny the rabbit. In case you thought our Baron limits his vegetable intake to tomatoes, you are wrong. He also enjoys carrots; obviously he has been around agility trainers, horses, and rabbits too much.

The obedience trainer (have you noticed that Baron is not bereft of trainers?) suggested Baron have toys to play with in the back yard, besides the tomato plants. She suggested a "Jolly Ball" (used for horses also) and a kong stuffed with cooked carrots. Of course I obediently followed her directions (one of us should be obedient). I hid the kong under a flowering plant so Baron could "hunt" for it. Remember, poodles are hunters (see one of my previous blog entries). It appears there is a slight glitch to his hunting skills, because unless it is contraband, he is not interested! Anyway, a couple of days later I found the kong in the yard. I am just not sure who enjoyed the carrots! I am beginning to feel like a caterer!

All for now,
Botswain

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Agility Challenged

Hi All,

Today was disappointing here at Poodle Place. Baron had an agility lesson and, as usual, was the worst in class. This was quite an accomplishment as he was the only one in the class. The class was held in the outside ring of a sheep barn; more agility equipment is set up inside the barn (the sheep hang out in a paddock). The other handlers watch as they wait for their turn. Baron got to run around like a maniac and then we started the more "formal" part of the lesson. He did run up and down the "A" frame, but basically tried to avoid it. He loved running through the tunnel, which was odd for 2 reasons. 1) Large dogs don't usually like the tunnel and 2) He was not asked to run through the tunnel, he just felt like it. When he was done with the tunnel he ran over to the 3 observing handlers and tried to engage them in play. The observers are my friends, who were awaiting their turn with their well-behaved dogs (2 of whom are younger than Baron).

After this fiasco, Bunny (the instructor) suggested I call it quits for today. I took Baron into the barn, where, without distractions, he cheerfully jumped 3 jumps and had a jolly time running a small course. No one witnessed this feat but me - and who would ever believe the word of a newfoundland owned by Lord Byron (that would be Botswain) over the word of an agility trainer and 3 nonbiased observors?

I think we might return to duck hunting. Judging from his ability to hunt and retreive kleenex and tomatoes, I feel Baron's true talent lies in hunting (and making mischief).

Klutzily yours,
Botswain

PS
Perhaps Baron has a future as sheep herder?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Robber Baron

Hi All,

I'm back to writing about poodles, because, here at Poodle Place we've had a major crisis. Baron is stealing. I really don't know what to do about it, as I have never before encountered a canine thief. Actually, I'm not sure that I've encountered a human one either.

For the 1st time ever (it will never happen again) I planted 2 tomato plants. I have been cheerfully watching the tomatoes mature, unlike a certain young immature poodle (name withheld by request). There were (emphasis on the word "were") 4 tomatoes which finally turned a deep red and were ready to be picked. Two of them disappeared! I couldn't imagine what happened to them and thought perhaps a wild animal (raccoon or coyote) got to them. Then a certain "wild animal" (as in untrained) was spotted with a luscious red tomato in his mouth. The mischievous mutt turned out to be - yep you guessed it - the Robber Baron.

Baron not only stole the tomatoes, but he hid a couple of them in the back yard! I just hate an organized thief. To make matters worse, this is not his only act of thievery. He just pounced on something behind the couch and it turns out he "stole" the swifter (for the uninformed, it's something you clean with) and hid it behind the couch! How will I ever keep up with the little Robber Baron?

Bravely yours,
Botswain

PS
By the way, Baron only takes the ripe intact tomatoes. Any tomatoes that have been attacked by bugs he leaves alone. Nothing like a picky thief.

Monday, September 7, 2009

In the Swim revisited

Hi All,
Good news! One of my readers, Lois, wanted to help rehabilitate Lucy the horse. She offered Lucy the use of her beach - how nice is that? The only glitch is that there are 95 steps down to the lake. Lois must have spent a lot of time counting - perhaps while dragging a grumpy child up the above-mentioned steps. As you may recall, Lucy is lame and cannot possibly be expected to walk down 95 steps; actually I am not lame and don't think I want to walk down them either.

Dear readers, do not fear. Lois's husband is considerate enough to put in a funicular just for Lucy! This way she can be transported to the lake without putting undo stress on her sore foot. I then expressed concern the lake water might be too cold for Lucy, and suggested a wet suit (I assume Lucy would be an extra large). Lois is nice enough to consider heating the lake for Lucy's enjoyment and rehabilitation! I must have the most loyal and invested readers (or at least one loyal and invested reader).

The only problem with all of this is Baron's jealousy. He has been told by his agility trainer that he is out of shape (I kid you not), and would like to join Lucy at the lake. To my knowledge Baron has never gone swimming, but I am sure I could find a life vest for him. If not, perhaps Lois can, she seems to be quite resourceful. The good news is that Baron is able to walk down to the beach (hopefully without me - Lois can take him) and would not need the use of the funicular. He does, however, think it would be fun to ride in one. I think so too. I hope the funicular is big enough for all of us - including Lois. Perhaps Lois will serve tea (with lots of sugar cubes for you-know-who)and biscuits (duck or potato only)during our ride on the funicular!
Swimmingly yours,
Botswain

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Definition of "Improvement"

Hi All,
I have good news! Baron's 5th (and hopefully last) trainer seems to be having a positive effect. Ok, so I'm saying "ick" a lot, rolling a can of pennies (I think of it as bowling practice) and spraying him with water (he is a water dog, after all), but it works! He behaves better when guests arrive at our home ("better" means he doesn't knock anyone down) and only stays in the laps of those who want him there (hard to believe, but there are people who actually want a 70 pound poodle in their lap).

Unfortunately, Baron's energy level continues to surpass mine, but he is younger than me. After 2 lovely walks (definition of "lovely": Baron saw 8 dogs, 3 squirrels and at least 10 birds, all while searching for the "perfect" tree to mark), throwing his ball up and down the stairs to tire him out, and allowing him to bring me his favorite toy (a soft squeaky pig) to throw - I needed a nap. Baron,in case you are curious, is just fine, and ready for a 3rd walk.

All for now, Baron beckons.
Best,
Botswain

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

In the Swim

Hi All,
As many of you know, I love to swim. Swimming is not only good for us humans, and for certain water dogs (not Baron, he is prone to ear infections) but it can also benefit our equine friends (yep - I have one). You may recall that my equine friend is Lucy, a lovely quarter horse who, while still on the payroll, is not earning her keep. Lucy has a palmer fracture of her coffin bone (in her foot), which will heal, but needs 2-4 months of "stall rest." Two months have already passed, but who's counting? I was just told that swimming can keep her in shape while she is recuperating.

Unfortunately, Lucy's barn is not near a lake and doesn't have a swimming pool. Do not fret - I had an idea: Lucy could be hauled (as in trailer ride) to our neighborhood swimming pool. The pool is lovely, and the only restrictions involve rules for human guest swimmers and pool hours. I know of no restrictions for equine swimmers. This is soooooo exciting! Imagine, I am swimming in one lane at the pool and Lucy is in the next lane. I wear my bright blue swim cap and she wears a lovely cap covered in flowers (like from the 1950's), with holes cut out to make room for her ears; she wears ear plugs (large ones). I wear my mask, snorkel, and fins. Lucy wears floaties (in case she forgot how to swim). She already has orthopedic shoes, so we can save money and forgo the fins. I am psyched; this could be a wonderful Mommy/Mare Moment!

I just wanted to share my excitement about future swim opportunities. Don't you want to swim with us?
All for now,
Botswain

PS
How many lifeguards would it take to save Lucy if she has trouble swimming?