Poodle Place Percolating Pension Fund

Hello Poodle People,

I received a note from a friend who feels the only likeable aspect of Leona Helmsly's character was her love for her dogs. My friend wondered if I planned to leave Baron 18 million dollars, as Leona did her dogs. Oh that I had 18 million extra dollars to leave him. I think I will be lucky if I don't spend that amount on him while he is alive! In fact, I am requesting donations to the Poodle Place Percolating Pension Fund. I will personally oversee all donations prior to my demise and insure that it is used solely for the benefit of animal-related activities and products (fur coats not included). By the way, although they lack curly hair, horses are also included in the Poodle Pension Fund. Your money will go toward the following activities:

1) Appropriate (as deemed by me) domiciles for dogs, horses, and their caregivers - also me. This includes routine maintenance of the domicile, including housekeeping, landscaping and sprinkler system, swimming pool (poodles are water dogs) etc. Most important a heating unit for the kitchen floor will be installed along with a murphy bed in case the caregiver has to sleep in the kitchen with the aforementioned dog.

2) Food for the previously mentioned animals and their caregivers (including the entire staff - grooms, dog walkers, etc.)

3) Clothing for the animals (and the main caregiver - me).

4) Shoes (only for the horse and, well, me). Horse and caregiver need new shoes every 6-8 weeks.

5) Clothing. This can be quite pricey, as horses, dogs and caregivers (yep - me) need coats etc. (horse and caregiver fall into the etc. category) for all types of weather.

6) Leisure activities, including vacations. Transport will include horse trailer and professional dr iver (not me), as well as private jets etc. to ensure that Baron and his caregivers (me etc.) travel in the style to which they would like to become accustomed. Leisure activities include lessons for the equestrian (me) which will keep the horse in shape and happy, as well as swimming lessons, because the aforementioned dog isn't sure he likes the water.

7) All medical and dental costs for the dog (who has an autoimmune disease and pricey vet bills), horse (not inexpensive) and caregiver (don't even go there).

8) Grooming. Remember Baron is a poodle and his grooming can be quite pricey - almost as pricey as his caregiver's (me).

9) Psychological Services (to be provided at a reasonable cost by the caregiver - me) for the animals and extended staff of caregivers.

9) Accounting services to be provided by the caregiver's husband.

That about covers it - except for incidentals I may have forgotten about. The canine and equine members of my household thank you for your generosity in these troubled times.

Gratefully yours,

Botswain, Baron and Lucy