Sunday, December 9, 2012

Baron answers reader's questions

Hi All,
Exciting news!  Baron has received his 1st email from a fan, Sue, who lives in Australia!!!  His head is growing as we speak.  Sue can't figure out how to comment on this blog, and her dog, Ollie, is unable to help her.  Sue would like to know how to handle Ollie's habit of wiping his face on her bedspread.  This is particularly upsetting when he has nabbed a raw chicken bone. 
Dear readers, Baron has an answer for Sue.  He suggests that Sue and her husband, Phil, sleep on the floor (or in Ollie's dog bed).  That way Ollie can relax on the large bed and enjoy his chicken bone in peace and quiet, without nasty comments from the poorly trained humans in his household.
Wasn't that easy?  Please feel free to share you questions and concerns with Baron.  He will do his best to respond as quickly as possible.
All for now,
Botswain

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Halloween

Hi All,
Sorry I haven't been in touch lately.  Sometimes life intervenes, even for Baron.  Unfortunately, Baron did not have time to prepare his costume for Halloween.  He was too embarrassed to go trick-or-treating without it.  Cross your fingers that his costume is ready by next Halloween.  His costume?  He will impersonate an "obedient" dog!  This is  extremely clever; rest assured, no one will recognize him!
All for now,
Botswain

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Aftermath

Hi All,
I am thrilled to report last night was quiet at Poodle Place.  Despite the vet's warning re: possible vomiting after consuming 38 Triple Strength Fish Oil vitamins, Baron slept peacefully through the night.  How do I know this, you might ask?  The answer is simple, Baron slept in OUR bed last night! Master was worried about the little darling (obviously not me).
Reader response to my last blog entry fell into 3 categories:
1) Concern about Baron's well-being.
2) Concern about our heroine's well-being (living with Baron and Master has its challenges).
3) Absolute delight in a lack of dog ownership from those readers who are denied the joys of a dog's company.
The response from you, dear readers, has been heartwarming, in a masochistic sort of way.
My newest worry is that Trainer #6 occcasionally reads my blog, and may notice  that Baron is still not a poster boy for dog obedience. Apparently no one is the "master" of a certain canine. 
All for now,
Botswain
PS
Do you know what "dog" spells backwards?

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The ER

Hi All,
Unfortunately, the calm here at Poodle Place has diminished - greatly!!!  Tonight, our heroine (that would be me) took Baron to the emergency vet.  Our heroine (still me) had recently fed Baron, and added the oil from a Triple Strength Fish Oil vitamin to his dinner.  Yep, it is true, not only does our heroine slice a fish oil vitamin (the capsule itself could contain an ingredient that would upset dear Baron's stomach - see doggie dermatologist for details), she also adds the oil from a capsule of Evening Primrose (see same dermatologist for details). Fish oil reeks! Am I a heroine or what?


I went upstairs to prepare for an evening out; when I returned to the kitchen there was an empty bottle of Triple Strength Fish Oil vitamins on the floor!!!  Yes, dear readers, Baron got the bottle from the counter and managed to open it and eat the contents.  The vet was concerned about stomach distress(I'm not sure if she meant mine or Baron's) and suggested I bring him in so she could induce vomiting.  Yes, I know about hydrogen peroxide to induce vomiting in a dog, but the vet has recently had a bad experience with this (translation: the vet did not get $$$$$ when the owner was able to induce vomiting).  I dutifully brought Baron in (I had already vomited, so I did not need the injection).  I left him at the vet's and returned after a hasty dinner during which I was lousy company.  The vet informed me that Baron would be lethargic and smell of fish oil for a few days.  The vet's assistant brought Baron to the waiting room and could hardly handle my "lethargic" canine family member.  He was jumping on our heroine (absolutely me) and licking my face.  The assistant observed a lack of lethargy. She warned that he may still vomit all over the house, in which case he would have to return to the emergency vet for further treatment. Our heroine (still me) may have to check into a spa to recover from the trauma!
All for now, thank goodness
Botswain

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Calm

Hi All,
Things have been relatively calm here at Poodle Place.  Baron has lost interest in cooking and cleaning - I may need to hire help in the absence of his "assistance".  Let's face it, no one wields a swifter like Baron.  I keep hoping he does windows too!
Baron has enjoyed visiting his human grandmother, more about that in the next post.  It is time for Baron to take me for a walk.  I have to run.
Botswain

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Household Help Available

Hi All,
It has been awhile since I have updated you on life with Baron.  The good news is that Baron's household skills are no longer limited to cooking.  That is right, dear readers, Baron is now available to take care of many of your household needs.  In particular, Baron has taken an interest in the "swifter".  He is now able to quickly remove the head of the swifter. Unfortunately he is still unable to replace it with a fresh refill, but he's working on it.  He runs around the house with the swifter in his mouth, valiantly trying to clean. He moves with lightening speed, particularly when our fearless owner (that would be me) tries to redirect him.  When it comes to cleaning house, Baron has potential!  Please consider him as you prepare your house for fall and winter.  He is available!
All for now,
Botswain

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Catapult

Hi All,
OK, I have to admit it. Trainer #6 might be on to something.  She insisted that Baron responds well to consistency, particularly in training.  She is trying to help Baron (and our saintly dog owner - that would be me) gain control at the door.  Hard to believe, but our guests still dislike being greeted by a jumping 75 pound poodle, regardless of how happy he is to see them.  Perhaps they don't share his pleasure at being reunited?

Baron and I (especially "I") are working hard to remedy this little glitch.  The good news ?  He is improving (though far from perfect).  The bad news?  The Olympic committee is no longer interested in Baron's ability to catapult himself on an unsuspecting guest without the aid of a springboard. We were hoping for a new Olympic sport which would allow Baron to shine and would allow us to regain some of the cost $$$$$ of maintaining our regal family member.
All for now,
Botswain

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Stella's vacation

Hi All,
Baron is moping around the house because his new BFF, Stella, is on vacation (aka boarding).  He stands at the fence between our house and Stella's, looking attentively at the gap in the fence where Stella squeezes through to make her grand entrance.
He reminds me of a lovesick teenager, hoping for an invitation to the turnabout dance.  He probably thinks Stella is dancing elsewhere - hardly the case!
He just got a haircut and looks adorable.  I will take a picture and try to post it on the blog.  As I am not only challenged re: dog training, but also technologically challenged, don't hold your breath (unless blue is your color).  Hopefully, the pictures will be up soon, but no promises!
All for now,
Botswain

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Baron's Back!!!

Hi All,
I am sorry about the laps in blog entries but life has been hectic, here at Poodle Place. Baron and his new BFF are busy creating havoc.  The dog next door, Stella (aka his new BFF), is quite the Houdini.  She either digs under the fence between our yards, or chooses to jump on the trampoline conveniently located next to the fence, and catapults over it.  She is small, sweet, and able to put Baron in his place (unlike a certain dog handler - that would be me).  She is, well, a mutt, but that doesn't bother Baron.  He is in love. 
Admittedly it was a shock to open the door to let Baron in and find not 1 but 2 dogs sitting on the stoop, wagging their tails.  While this may sound adorable, the damage done to our flower garden and our carpet (muddy paws are not cute) demonstrates the downside of dog ownership.  Don't tell Baron (his head is big enough), but the pros outweigh the cons re: ownership of a certain oversized (did I mention that he weighs 75 pounds?) poodle.
All for now,
Botswain

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Calmness

Hi All,
Baron's tutor (he dislikes the work "trainer") visited us this week.  Obviously it was not a social call. Dearest Readers, you will never believe this, but Tutor #6 thinks yours truly (that would be me) does not respond to Baron in a calm manner.  WHAT???  Me, not calm?  That hard to believe!  Just because my voice squeaks a bit when I address Baron, my body might twitch or jiggle, and I do have that nervous laugh which appears when Baron doesn't have his hearing aids on...
Oops, got to go.
Botswain
PS
I was joking about the hearing aids - but maybe I should have Baron's hearing checked.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Afikoman Revisited

Hi All,
Apparently Baron was embarrassed by his inability to find the Afikoman on his first try at our Seder.  When Master and I returned home from dinner last night, we discovered that in his enthusiasm to locate the Afikoman, he located the entire unopened box of Matzoh, opened it, and graciously left one piece (the Afikoman, he assumed) for us.  Is he a smart dog or what?
Hope your holidays are proceeding less chaotically than ours!
Botswain

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Happy Holidays

Hi All,
We hosted last night's Passover Seder.  Baron actually behaved himself!  We did not need to call the police to report food missing from our plates - all went well. As there were no children in attendance, Baron had the honor of searching for the Afikoman.  This was a difficult task, as I had cleverly put the Afikoman in a plastic bag and covered it with the requisite linen.  It was hidden in Baron's toy basket.  One of our guests pointed out that Baron would be unable to find the Afikoman until it was removed from the plastic bag, as even a poodle as smart as Baron can't smell through plastic.  This was a good point, and Baron was rewarded with a duck and potato (see previous blog entries re: Baron's diet) dog treat for locating the Afikoman.
That's all for today.  Happy Passover or Easter - take your pick.
Botswain

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Greeting

Hi All,
I recently watched videos of family dogs greeting servicemen who returned home from combat.  It was touching to watch these loving dogs jumping, crying, even hugging their masters when they saw them for the first time.  I hate to brag, folks, but that is the greeting I receive from Baron when I return home after spending fifteen minutes at the grocery store.  He must liken grocery shopping to combat (not even close - unless there is a sale).  He is equally enthusiastic when I return home from the drug store or from retrieving the newspaper from the end of the driveway (note: Baron does not retrieve the paper, he prefers to wait indoors where it is warm and dry).
Do I have one special dog or what?
Botswain

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Horse Update

Hi All
All of us here at Poodle Place appreciate most animals (certain rodents not included), but are particularly fond of horses. Baron has a lifelong wish to play with horses which is further evidence of his nonverbal learning disability.  He just doesn't understand size differences.  He is particularly motivated to hang out with horses because he recognizes the love his beloved employee (that would be me) has for them.

I actually had a riding lesson last week in which I learned 4 important things.
1) Do not get into a discussion of catastrophic equestrian accidents in the middle of a lesson; this impairs concentration (never my strong suit).
2) When your trainer, after her beloved student decided not to jump the 2nd jump in a line at the last minute (response time also not a strength), wants to practice a quick turn after the first jump, do not, once again, turn away from the 2nd jump at the last minute.  This makes both horse and trainer very nervous.
3) When your trainer, in the interest of helping her beloved student (who by now is not so beloved) drills you on turning away from the problem while still avoiding the 2nd jump, do not turn in her direction.Trainers get really cranky when you turn towards them on a cantering horse. To be fair, my trainer said, "Didn't you see me standing here against the wall?"  I did see her, but didn't understand why she was standing there putting her life in jeopardy.  It never occurred to me to turn towards the center of the ring.  I thought my trainer was being foolhardy.
4) The horse who accompanied me on the aforementioned unfortunate incident earned extra treats.  The trainer earned either a bottle of wine or a bloody Mary at the next barn lunch, in addition to an increase in her life insurance policy!
All for now,
Botswain

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Health Scare

Hi All,
We had a health scare here at Poodle place.  Baron has, despite our best efforts (not his), once again gained weight.  Also, there is a slight film over his eyes which does not impair vision and is no big deal (thank heavens) except it is sometimes associated with hypothyroidism.  The vet had to do a blood test (not inexpensive, but nothing about Baron is inexpensive) to rule out hypothyroidism, which is easily controlled with medication.

As you might imagine, the possibility not only of another health problem, but of giving Baron a pill to speed up his metabolism (read all previous posts for information on Baron's metabolism) put me in a tailspin, so to speak.  Visitors to our home have actually complimented me on the improvement in Baron's behavior.  One guest noted approvingly that Baron no longer jumps over the couches, then skids across the floor, followed by a cartwheel  as part of his enthusiastic welcome. 
The good news is that Baron's thyroid is normal (at least something about Baron is normal).  The bad news is that Baron now weighs 76 pounds and has to watch his boyish figure.
All for now,
Botswain

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Mistaken Identity

Hi All,
Once again, Baron has mistaken my belongings for his - specifically my ivory figurines for his own personal (who else would want them?) bones.  I will spare you the details, other than to say I am extremely displeased.  Baron has been reprimanded.  He no longer has the run of the house and will have to spend more time in the kitchen - let's face it, it is a lovely room, someone should enjoy it!
Grumpily yours,
Botswain

Thursday, January 26, 2012

At it Again

Hi All,
We returned home last night to discover that Baron has, once again, tried his paw at cooking.  Using the lazy Susan, he managed to remove seasoning, soup mix etc from the cabinet.  The floor was a total mess.  He tried to mix everything on the floor rather than using a mixing bowl as he had previously been instructed to do.  Will this dog ever listen?
Botswain

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tuba Serenade

Hi All,
I am living a canine version of "To Catch a Thief"!   Here's the latest.  I entered the bedroom where master was gently snoring  (if you consider the tuba a gentle noise).  Baron was relaxing next to him (on my side of the bed), and immediately looked away, avoiding eye contact.  Translation: he had done something really bad! I noticed that Baron once again tried to blow his nose, hence the Kleenex box was on the floor, along with several pieces of Kleenex.  This didn't bother me, as I recognized Baron's effort to take care of himself - who wants a runny nose?  What else had he done?

Then I saw it - an object between Baron's paws.  Upon closer examination, I discovered it was Master's watch. This was quite a shock! I wasn't aware Baron had learned how to tell time. Dear readers, undoubtedly you understand the conflict: the watch looks great on Baron, but it is not his.  I was forced to do the right thing and return the watch to the bedside table. Master, meanwhile, continued to serenade me, Baron, and perhaps our neighbors with "tuba" music. 
Fortunately the watch is still in good shape, as long as Master doesn't object to spending extra time fastening it.  This episode is our little secret.
And the tuba played on.....
Botswain