Dog Obedience - or a lack thereof

Hi All,

I am sure this will be quite a surprise for fans of Baron, but dog obedience is not one of Baron's strengths. I would love to tell you that he really tries hard, but has difficulty mastering it. Unfortunately, I don't think he tries. He stands there with a twinkle in his eye, barely suppressing a chortle.

He is perfectly able to come, sit, stay, down, etc. - when he wants to, if he's in the mood and if I have awesome treats. Unfortunately, now that he is limited to duck and potato and I have yet to purchase a food dehydrator, his enthusiasm has diminished. He shows definite potential at home (unless he is busy), but with other dogs around - forget it!

Baron's favorite activity (besides the dog park) is dog obedience class where he gets to see his friends or potential friends. The small detail that his classmates are apple polishers and he is not, does not dampen his enthusiasm.

At our last class, Baron was, well, the worst in the class (too bad there is not an award for that). There were only 5 dogs in the class, and one of them, Beauregard is a white standard poodle, 8 years old. I was not encouraged to note that Beauregard still jumps enthusiastically on his owner, a lovely, slight woman, dressed in a skirt, and demonstrating admirable tolerance for her "best friend." The fact that she has been working with our trainer for several years is not necessarily a compliment to him.

All for today,
Botswain

Doggie Dermatologist Part 2

I know I promised part 2 of our visit to the Doggie Dermatologist, but I've been busy following Dr. F's recommendations. Whew, finally, a moment to write:

When we last met our heroine (that would be me) she was slaving away in the kitchen (not her favorite room) accompanied by her trusty sidekick Baron, and, well, a duck. The duck, having no idea he was part of Baron's new hypoallergenic diet, was happily quacking away, when he wasn't doing laps in the bath tub. Baron, delighted with his new friend, had no idea that the bath tub was a prelude to his new weekly routine.

Yes, dear poodle-lovers, our sadistic doggie dermatologist, Dr. F, has required our rambunctious, oversized (almost 70 pound) toddler standard poodle, to have at least one bath per week, preferably two. Dr. F blithely suggested hosing him down, shampooing him with his new oatmeal shampoo followed by oatmeal conditioner (to be left on for 10 minutes). By the way, the shampoo and conditioner are only available through her office, conveniently located in Chicago (where I am not). Doing the math, I quickly realized that by the time I am done with his diet, baths, ear cleansing (did I not mention that?), toy sterilization (to remove remnants of previous food) I would have to give up my career and devote myself entirely to the care of one young Baron (aka Jaws). Also, I was not optimistic about his cooperation with this new regime - particularly the baths. Poodles are water dogs, but unfortunately, bathing doesn't seem to qualify.

Fortunately for our heroine and her curly-haired sidekick (that would be Baron, not the duck), a brief review of the situation brought to mind only one solution - weekly hypoallergenic baths at the groomer's. Unfortunately, Baron's brand new $$$$ groomer, who has only had the pleasant experience of grooming him once, raised her rates for bathing our dog after considering (briefly) the possibility of weekly contact with him. I know this had absolutely nothing to do with Baron's behavior, but I made a mental note to bring her his certificate of graduation from Puppy Dog Obedience Class. It states that he successfully completed the class and passed into Beginning Dog Obedience (where, unfortunately, well, never mind).

Thank goodness I did find a groomer willing to bathe him weekly and at a discount (she doesn't know him well). As terrific as this sounds, here is the scenario: Our heroine enters the shop with the aforementioned poodle. Baron warmly greets everyone by getting on his hind legs and leaning on the counter, scattering papers, receipts, etc. His bedraggled sidekick (that would be me, our heroine) is clutching a bag which contains the following:
1) Bottles of oat meal shampoo and conditioner
2) Bag of hypoallergenic duck and potato dog treats
3)Certificate of graduation from Puppy Class (with picture - he does look cute in class).
Baron spots a big bowl of - OH NO - ordinary, non-hypoallergenic dog treats. He goes for the treats, but our heroine (boy, am I busy) is ahead of him and quickly pries the offending wheat-infused treat from his mouth (because, if you recall, even one non-duck and potato treat means starting his 2 month diet all over again).

The good news - he smells good. The bad news - we are already almost out of conditioner, and the woman who groomed him requested 2 weeks off. I called the doggie dermatologist for alternative conditioners, as frequent visits to Chicago to pick up his grooming supplies are not in the cards. She conceded that if I'm desperate, I could use any good cream conditioner. As luck would have it, I just purchased a huge bottle of Deva conditioner for curly hair. This conditioner was developed by the woman who wrote the book about curly hair. Let's face it folks, Baron has curly hair (not unlike our exhausted heroine).

All for now. I will keep you posted on the success of our new routine. I am happy to announce that so far, Baron is in excellent spirits; unfortunately I can't say the same for our devoted heroine.

Botswain

Doggie Dermatologist Part One

Hi All,

It has taken me awhile to write this because I am still traumatized by my visit to the "doggie dermatologist" aka the allergist. Baron and I drove into Chicago (I did the driving, he navigated) to see Dr. F, the dermatologist. She seems to be a lovely person, but we had nothing in common - you'll soon see why. By the way the I, too, am lovely, just not domestically inclined.

Baron was not allowed to eat anything for 8 hours prior to the visit, which was at 2 pm. Vance fed him at 6 am and then informed me we might have to cancel the appointment. It seems that Baron opened the kitchen drawer which contains the bread bin and helped himself to a bagel. I guess we need child locks (or is it lox?) on the drawers. Dr. F told me about one standard poodle that opened the oven and helped himself to an entire pan of macaroni and cheese. He didn't get burnt - just sick.

Unfortunately, we didn't let a little bagel stop us from meeting Dr. F for the first (and I wish last) time. I expected skin tests leading to allergy shots etc. Not yet. First we start with a new diet for Baron. I anticipated this as well, and was thinking of something wheat free. I had no idea as to what was in store for our happy homemaker (actually, that is not me).

As for Baron's new diet, I had a choice of rabbit and potato or duck and potato. This was a difficult decision because Baron could either catch a rabbit in our back yard, or, since he is a water dog, go to the nearest pond (or golf course) in search of ducks! I selected the duck diet. Dr. F then informed me that he must eat only duck and potato for the next 2 months, and if he should happen to eat anything other than duck and potato, we have to start the diet over. I feel we should have this figured out by the time he is 10!

I asked about treats for Baron. Dr. F, who does not know about my culinary expertise (or lack thereof) actually suggested that I cook a duck for him!!! Does one cook duck or do they broil, grill. or perhaps bake? I am not allowed to make him Special Mommy Eggs. She suggested a particular grocery store on Waukegan and Glenview Road that always carries duck. Dr. F must have noticed the look of horror on my face, because she came up with another option. I could go to Target and for $25 purchase a food dehydrator! I don't even know what a food hydrator is let alone a dehydrator. I could then dehydrate the duck to make lovely wholesome treats for a certain Baron who is beginning to get on my nerves! The only good news is that duck and potato dog food can be ordered by our vet. I don't have to catch and grill the duck or drive to Chicago to pick it up. Nonetheless, this lovely doggie dermatologist will probably insist that Baron eat nothing but fresh duck.

I am visualizing myself in the kitchen with Baron by my side. The duck is happily quacking away, unaware that he has an uncertain future. I find myself panicking - what do ducks eat? Do I have to cook for him (or her)? I almost hope they snack on Barons. Maybe my friend, Debbie, who owns Carlos and Cafe Central won't mind catering.

Sigh - this doesn't bode well.
Botswain

PS
This is only Part One of my trauma at the doggie allergist's - stay tuned for part two.

Home on the Range - Human Style

Hi,

I just located this winter e-mail, and, while it says much more about me than my canine buddy (that would be Baron), it definitely belongs in the Poodle Place collection. You will really appreciate this entry after you hear about our visit with our brand new "doggie dermatologist".

Maybe I should have entitled this "Home on the Range - Randee Style". Let's face it dear, talented cooks - I am not one of you!

Yesterday I was having four women over to play bridge. I know, you're thinking that math is obviously not a specialty either, but we had 5 people and rotated in and out. Anyway, enough about bridge.

The entire day became rather hectic.

1) I had to mail back my cell phone (under warranty but a huge rip off situation - I hate machinery of all types, I'll tell you my computer woes later).

2) Beauty Parlor appt at 10:15. Not finished until noon (major overhaul)

3)Wanted to take Baron to newly discovered dog park which is a life saver because he can run and jump on other canines and not me.

4) Guests arrive promptly at 1:30 for bridge.

I arrived at the mail box place bright and early only to discover they don't open until 10 am. Baron and I headed to the dog park for a fun 45 minutes of running into the wind. Made it to beauty parlor on time. Mailed malfunctioning cell phone (thank heavens), and headed back to the dog park so Baron could again run around the park and not my house. My plan was that a tired dog would make a good impression. Unfortunately despite hours of $$$$$$$ dog obedience, there are a few unfortunate glitches in Baron's repertoire. While he comes very nicely at home, when he is busy with his canine friends and/or new acquaintances, he is not in the mood to listen to my pleas. It was freezing cold (something you Californians wouldn't be into) and my hand was practically frostbitten from cleaning up the hooligan's mess. Baron ran around with the puli (very cute), the vizula and an assortment of others. I called in my nicest voice. He ran straight toward me, gazed lovingly at me, and then continued on his way. This unfortunate glitch in dog obedience continued for several long frozen minutes, until my fellow dog owners took pity on me and tried to help. With the help of three people (and, I might add, no canines), we finally caught the runaway poodle. By this time I was absolutely frozen (did I mention the wind chill?) and, I must admit, rather grumpy. I was thinking of the joys of bichon ownership.

I know, you are still wondering where the range (as in cooking, not the deer and antelope part) comes in. I guess if we think of the dog park as a range, it is a double entendre. I arrived home at 1pm with only a half hour until my guests were to arrive. It occurred to me (a little late) that I didn't have the bridge stuff out (cards etc), the table set for bridge, the food out (you have to feed bridge players, though I have no idea why), and I had forgotten to eat lunch and I absolutely never miss a meal. I began to hurriedly make coffee, tea, put out food (beautifully placed on the plate Friday afternoon - not be me - I am domestically challenged), eat lunch, set the table etc. etc. etc. It is the part about the tea that brings us to our heroine's (that would be me) demise. I decided to put more water in the tea pot and by mistake the bottom of the already-warmed-up pot touched my partially frost-bitten (from the afore mentioned foray into the dog park) hand.

So dear cooks here is my big question: What do you put on a burn?

Anyway, the good news is that in my panic to get everything ready, I forgot about the burn and was able to have everything in place and pretend to be relaxed when my guests arrived. I remembered the burn this morning when I was in the shower and saw a brown mark on my hand. Word of warning: do not try to rub away a burn, it doesn't work.

Well, that's it. I guess I don't need my faithful sidekick (that would be Baron) to do myself in. Oh yes, Baron greeted my guests warmly - he barked growled, etc. Fortunately, "etc." does not include biting and snapping as his predecessor did. After 10 minutes he was comfortable with our guests. In fact he was so comfortable that he tried to get into the lap of the only non-dog-lover of the group. He did go from person to person trying to engage someone - anyone - in play. I had his leash on, and was reminded by an experienced dog-owner guest (you should see her poodle)that I should be doing an on-leash sit with Baron. I am happy to announce that it worked! I sat beautifully!!! After one hour he settled down, decided that bridge is not his game, and took a nap.

Enough about my day, I'm off to the dog park again - I hope I remember to bring Baron.

Botswain

February 22, 2009








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Poodle Place: Crocker or Crockett - You Decide

Hi All,
One reader recently commented on how well trained Baron must be, because she had not received a Poodle Place e-mail in quite a while. The answer is very simple - I am too tired to write! Of course Vance wishes I was also too tired to talk.

Unfortunately for our heroine (that would be me, in case you forgot), Baron's training is going so well that his personal trainer is guaranteed a lifetime annuity. We are even augmenting his training with agility work, in an effort to redirect his boundless energy. It is not effective.

Here is the update: along with dog training, Baron is continuing with his interest in cooking. Most recently, while I was out, Vance left Baron alone in the kitchen with a sealed container of spicy tomato sauce and mussels (in the shells). When our heroine entered the kitchen, she found an ecstatic puppy (that would be Baron) with tomato sauce on his head, on the counter, floor etc. etc. In addition, there were also remnants of mussel shells scattered about. I was able to remove the sauce from his head, but I am not too fond of the lingering scent. Upon hearing this sad tail, one friend commented that I am lucky he didn't decide to heat up the tomato sauce!

So, dear readers, you get to decide who Baron emulates - Betty Crocker or Davy Crockett?

There is more exciting news from Poodle Place (depending on your definition of excitement), but I have to run. Baron has an appointment with the doggie dermatologist (aka allergist)and we have to get dressed. Baron has already proven that he is fond of the color red, but we will forego the tomato sauce hat.
Botswain

PS
If anyone has recipes to share with the pungent poodle, please send them to me first so that I can scan the ingredients for allergens.

April 28, 2009

Home on the Range at Poodle Place

Hi All,
I am now home after a relaxing vacation in San Diego. It is but a distant memory. The big news is that while I was away eating at lovely restaurants (the definition of "lovely" is anything not cooked by me), Baron was busy at home - in the kitchen!

Earlier it was suggested to me since I spent so much time in the kitchen tending to a very sick dog that perhaps I should try cooking. The good news is I don't have to do so, because Baron has taken an interest in cooking (not to mention eating).

Yes, fellow poodle lovers, it is true - Baron is learning to cook!!! At first I thought he meant it as a surprise for me upon my return home - perhaps to thank me for all I went through when he was so ill; now I think he had a more devious motive.

Here is the scoop: Stephanie (beloved dog sitter) briefly left the kitchen and returned to find that Baron had managed to turn on the gas range. This really upsets me, not due to the obvious danger, but because I think he might be trying to duplicate my famous recipe for "Special Mommy Eggs"! For those who are unfamiliar with this, my kids thought "Special Mommy Eggs" were a delicacy until they reached the age of 18 and went off to college. Fortunately, the recipe can be adapted to "Special Wifey Eggs". Vance really enjoys them - he is just happy to receive a "home cooked" meal. I am sure Baron was trying to steal my recipe because when Stephanie returned to the kitchen, her reading glasses were broken. Baron may be smart, but he is not smart enough to know that "Special Mommy Eggs" doesn't require a recipe. It is a very creative dish, which is different each time I make it (thankfully, not often).

I know, you are probably thinking of the mess Baron made. You have nothing to worry about, because unlike most men, Baron tried to clean up after himself. He actually managed to turn on the garbage disposal. While he had very good intentions, the motor burned out, hence the disposal had to be replaced.

Well, that is the latest. So nice to be back home on the range! I know Baron joins me in wishing everyone a healthy, happy new year, filled with fun and laughter. I have to run now, as Baron's trainer will arrive soon. Actually, I am thinking of eliminating the trainer and giving him cooking lessons instead!

Love,
Botswain

January 9, 2009

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Hello All,
Thank you all for your best wishes and concern for Baron's health. I am pleased to give you an update:

Baron returned home from the vet yesterday after an expensive week. Prior to being admitted, he attended the day spa at the Animal Hospital, receiving a honey wrap and hydrotherapy. However, after a painful (and this is not funny) weekend, with Baron howling in pain, he had emergency surgery last Monday, and stayed at the Animal Hospital for an entire week, which was not an inexpensive proposition. He returned home yesterday on tranquilizers, to ensure that: 1) he doesn't get too excited 2) he doesn't lick the incision necessitating another week or more at the Animal Spa.

I greeted Baron at the vet's expecting a subdued and tranquilized dog. He was tranquilized, but subdued? I don't think so. He greeted me warmly by jumping enthusiastically (with his 2 medical collars on). I said, "I thought he was tranquilized." The vet tech said, "He's just so happy to see you." He was also equally happy to see my patients, the landscaper, etc.

We were told to continue tranquilizing him until after his check-up on Thursday. While I had been blissfully thinking that a tranquil Baron might be something to consider long term, it's not what I expected. Here is a synopsis of Baron on tranquilizers:

1) Mad dash to the dog run (heaven forbid he should be let loose in the yard and re-injure himself) with a hope of running past the dog run (no way - too $$$$$ already). Pouncing enthusiastically on the snow, and barking while standing on hind legs to illustrate his point - GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
2) Carefully extricating a squash from the counter and eating half of it. He sent his regards to the chef.
3) Escaping to the living room, his favorite site of mischief - no he couldn't chew on the intricately carved elephant tusk that belonged to my mother-in-law, Betty, he already did that. He did manage to knock over a picture frame and an antique snuff bottle that belonged to Betty (aha - could there be a connection?).
4) He accompanied me to the pet store because I heard about a new "Cone" to keep him from licking his incision. He managed to charge into the store, growl at a man who laughed at him (in his current fashion accessory - a plastic cone), and tried to grab a few treats along the way.

Worst of all, he has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome! He was so traumatized by his medical situation, that he no longer remembers how to sit, stay, etc. We have had (up until now) 4 dog trainers (but who is counting) and he forgot everything!!! I am afraid to send him to overnight boot camp, because, in his weakened condition, he might become ill, or, even worse, jump on the trainer or a Chihuahua, and incur a law suit in addition to his other expenses.

Well, there you have it. Baron is back home - for better or worse. As for me - I am not, shall we say, as perturbed at his behavior as I usually am.

If anyone has any suggestions re: training of a poodle with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, let me know.
Love,
Botswain

December 2, 2009